I took a deep breath and bit my lip. He had said what I was afraid of the most. I just didn't expect it. Why did all the bad things always happen to me?
"Why not?" I asked him. I sounded like I was about to cry.
"Well, long distance relationships just don't work. I mean, I like you and all, just so you know. I just don't think now would work out. Please understand. It hurts me just as much...."
A huge ball welled up in my throat. I felt the tears I was exptecting come to my eyes. No, Jennifer! You can't cry now. Not in front of Tay. Not now. He still likes you! You can't cry. So much for that. I couldn't stop myself. My eyes blurred and I tried to blink the tears away. That didn't help much either.
"Oh God," Tay muttered and got up next to me. "Jen, please don't do this," he said and reached out to me. I brushed his hand away. I didn't want to be around him. I wished right then that an enormous hole would appear under me on the floor and swallow me up. I covered my face with my hands so he didn't have to watch me cry. I wished he'd go away.
Preparing myself for something like this hadn't worked much had it? "Why?" I barely heard myself say as I turned away from him.
"Jennifer, look, I.. I'd never get to see you. You know that! It wouldn't be fair to both of us. Please don't make this hard for me-"
Suddenly, all my anger welled up inside me. I spun around. "Hard for you?! How?" I snapped right in his face. "I'm not the one who can't handle relationships!"
"Look, why are you so upset about this?"
"Because! I don't understand you, Taylor!" I yelled at him. I felt tears fall down my face in clumps. I didn't care how he felt, after all that time! He knew exactly what he was doing.
"I just don't get it," I repeated. "First, you come along and show me you really like me and all. After all the times you were so nice to me and you tried to kiss me and everything. What were you trying to do to me? You should have expected that I'd like you right back!" I demanded.
"I did but-"
"Well, what were you thinking? You're a liar! A big fat liar and a huge flirt! That must be your life, flirt with girls until they think you're the only thing in life for you and then you go and drop them like they don't even matter! Admit it!"
"Jennifer, I just realized a while ago that it wouldn't work out. I thought you were an understanding person," he said, close to tears himself.
"Like I said a while ago," I choked out between tears and gasping for air. "you don't know me very well, do you?" I broke down again. It wasn't fair and I just couldn't take it anymore. Who did he think he was, anyway?
"I hate you Taylor Hanson! You're a fake, and a phony, and I wish I'd never laid eyes one you!" I accused him as if he'd just murdered someone. And in a way, he did. He'd just ruined my entire life!
"Hey, isn't that what Sandy says in Grease?" Taylor joked and managed a laugh.
"This is all just one game for you isn't it?"
Suddenly, I saw his anger build up. He glared at me. "Well, fine then! Be that way. Maybe I never liked you at all in the first place!"
I was crushed. "Ugh!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "Why do you have to be so difficult, you.... you, you..." I searched for the word. "Well, whatever you are, I don't care anymore AT ALL! For all I care, you can take your little MMMBop song and kiss my ass!" I screamed and stomped out.
I pounded my feet on the stairs as hard as I could to get out my anger! "Where are you going now!?" Taylor yelled from behind me.
"Out, and don't you dare follow me!"
"Why would I anyway?"
I tightened my fists and spun around again. "Why don't you just go write a song! I'm leaving, and I hope you do soon too. I'm glad you're only gonna be here for less than another week." I turned again to run out the door.
"Bitch!" Taylor yelled up at me.
"Titty sucker!" I screamed, returning the remark.
Crying the most I'd ever cried before, I ran down to the garage where my bike was parked. I sobbed loudly as I put up the kick- stand, jumped on, and sped off. I didn't care where I ended up, just as long as I could get away from home. My tears practically froze from the cold February wind that stung me like a thousand knives as I biked down the path behind my house. The pain was nothing compared to what I was feeling at that moment.